Mixed Feelings

As suggested by the title of this entry, I have mixed feelings. But, "what about?" you might ask. Hold on, baby birds, I'll feed you. I have mixed feelings on graduate school. Graduate school and its worth. Is all of its supposed "benefits" worth all of the effort and trouble that it brings? I have to say, that from where I'm sitting right now, that it does not. I have heard many people's opinions on this and it generally shakes down to three groups. First, that it is better to go directly into graduate school. I must admit that I was part of this group. The reasoning is that if beginning graduate school directly after undergraduate, you will still be in the school mindset and will have an easier time with less adjustment and you can enter the workforce afterwards with better prospects of finding a job with better pay.

The second school of thought is to find a job, and have them pay for your education. The argument for this path is that it will save you money on tuition and will allow you to start saving money since you will be earning a real paycheck. It also allows for a little bit of job security, as a company is unlikely to let you go after investing time and money into furthering your education. However, with the current economy, it is becoming very difficult to find companies willing to do this.

The third thinking is that graduate school is not really necessary and it is better to just get a bachelor's degree and then a job because employers would rather have someone with practical experience and a general understanding than someone with no experience and a deeper theoretical understanding. Besides, everything you don't know you can learn on the job, right?

But my experiences of recent time have pushed me towards a fourth, and completely different theory. And that is that no matter what you do, you still won't be good enough. Before you say, "Justin, don't you think that is a very cynical viewpoint?" Please, hear me out. I have two very intelligent, very hard-working friends. One working on her Master's degree, and the other working on her Ph.D. Needless to say, they are no slouches, and know what it means to work hard and dedicate themselves to their work. Both of them tell me that never before have they felt so stupid in their lives as when they are in these classes. They feel completely and utterly discouraged because they are working harder than they have ever worked before for very few, if any, positive results. And I have to agree with them. I am also finding that I am working very hard to do well and still find myself struggling to just keep my head above water. We all began our graduate studies right after finishing our undergraduate degrees and we are all completely miserable with our academic experience so far.

A friend of a friend is unhappy with his situation. He waited to start graduate school. He feels like it would have been better if he had started right away like I had. I told him that it probably wouldn't have made a huge difference. But who knows, it might have been different for him.

I have another friend who is not going for a graduate degree. She is finishing up her undergraduate degree this semester, and looking for jobs. In her experience she is finding that employers are looking for more actual on-the-job experience than just internships, of which she has done four and is now expected to do another. What kind of world do we have to look forward to after graduation if we cannot find an entry level job in our chosen fields? It seems like all the jobs require more experience than is possible for the recent graduate to have. Or they require a person to complete yet another unpaid internship while the shadow of student loan repayment creeps ever closer. And even if you do take the unpaid internship, it does not guarantee a paid position upon satisfactory completion. The positions available to a recent graduate are further made unobtainable by claims of not enough enough experience, or over-qualification.

It seems to me that employers are trying to draw out the amount of time that they can continue to get help at the lowest cost possible. Let me give a personal example. I was recently informed of a temporary part-time position as a laboratory assistant. The position required experience in the lab and experience with a particular lab instrument was preferable. I met all of the requirements, almost as though the position had been created specifically for me. I applied and went through the interview process, meeting with the HR director as well as the laboratory manager, with whom, if I received the position, would be reporting to. The entire process seemed to go favorably for me with both the lab manager and the HR director very excited about my experience. After my interview, a friend showed me a listing for an unpaid internship. It was from the very same company I had just interviewed with and the description was, word-for-word, the exact same position I had just interviewed for. The only difference is that I had applied for a paid position. This posting was for an unpaid position. Guess who didn't get the job. If you guessed me, then you are correct. A couple of weeks later I received a very nice and sincere form letter saying "While we were impressed with your qualifications, we have decided to pursue other options," blah blah blah. I don't know if anyone else is in this same position, but I can't compete with people who are willing to work for nothing more than school credits. Unless I have been informed incorrectly and grocery stores, credit card companies, and FAFSA DO accept school credit hours as valid forms of payment/repayment.

While thinking about my situation and the situations of those around me, it is very difficult to see how working hard for a piece of paper that will force employers to pay a little more, thus decreasing my chances of getting hired in a time when companies are trying to pay as little as possible, is worth it.

I still think it may be useful down the road, once companies realize that they get what they pay for, but that seems so far off, especially in Michigan, and I am increasingly wondering if it is worth continuing to put myself through all of this trouble for so little reward. I was always raised being told that an education is important and the harder you work, the more you will be rewarded. While I still want to believe this is the way the world works, I am quickly learning that regardless of how the world should work, it is very rare when it actually does. Let's just say that this graduate student, at least, is not looking forward to his "bright and shining future" after graduation.

via The Monica Bird

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."
— Rosemary Urquico (via kblitz)

(via conversationslips)

New Song

Fall Weather

I wake up to another Michigan autumn day
I feel the crisp chill of air and I see the sky of grey.
I had another dream about you the night before
I promise you, it’s not intentional.

You’re just always on my mind
You’re the answer I can’t seem to find.
When we’re together, I feel like I will never
Find a feeling like this again.

But you don’t know the things that I would do for you
I’m tired of waking up and not waking next to you
I see the stars above when I look into your eyes
I call out to you, but you keep on walking by.

As the rain comes down, I can hear the drops falling to the earth.
I feel the rumble of the thunder in my own body and see the bolt of lightning as it bridges heaven and earth.
Despite being inside, away from the storm, I cannot help but feel like I am still out in the rain.
The chaotic gloom outside reflects my unrest inside.
Each raindrop that falls is just another personal doubt; another misgiving.
Each thunder clap is my own raw emotion and frustrations trying to escape.
Each lightning bolt is the fire in my eyes, my own impulsive urges.
The longer I remain here listening to the storm, the harder it becomes to differentiate between the grey, swirling thoughts outside and the hectic, dark storm inside.

Through the Night
by J Hutton

Sit by my side,
talk me through,
let your sweet breath
caress my swollen eyes.

I select you.

Tell me about your past,
talk me through,
each misstep and lie,
the cadence makes it fine.

Curl up next to me,
talk me through,
make sure my heart beats,
but don't let me fall victim to dreams.

Call me your best friend,
talk me through,
if I show weakness, tangle about hair,
please don't call me handsome.

If we make it past night,
if you talked me through,
I'll make you breakfast
and you will make laughter.

Will you select me too?

Let's keep the trade even,
talk me through,
I'll distract you, you'll distract me,
from all the old lovers that proved themselves typical.


Read more: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/through-the-night/#ixzz10DCCBfXw

One of those days...

You ever have one of those days where nothing goes wrong, but you have no idea what is going on or where you are going in life? Yeah, I'm having one of those days. What's weird about it is that you forget all about these kinds of days because by tomorrow, everything is back to normal.

New Song

And with it, it brings an end to my musical rut.

Most Days

Most days I can get through on my own two feet
Most days I can honestly say I’m as happy as can be
Most days I don’t need to pretend to smile
Because I know I have you, most days.

But some nights, I just get so lonely.
Some nights are just so bad.
When I’m left alone sitting in my head
Wishing I was laying with you instead.

Most days I can tell you where I’m going.
Most days it’s everywhere but down.
Most days there’s nothing but blue skies in my head.
Most days

But some nights just get so lonely
Some nights the dark just closes in.
Some nights I just feel so lonely.
Just imagining where you’ve been.